A Light Left On by May Sarton

In the evening we came back

Into our yellow room,

For a moment taken aback

To find the light left on,

Falling on silent flowers,

Table, book, empty chair

While we had gone elsewhere,

Had been away for hours.

When we came home together

We found the inside weather.

All of our love unended

The quiet light demanded,

And we gave, in a look

At yellow walls and open book.

The deepest world we share

and do not talk about

But have to have, was there,

And by that light found out.

As I've aged

 

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now,

probably for the first time in my life,

the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh, not my body!

I sometime despair over my body -

the wrinkles,

the baggy eyes and the sagging butt.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror,

but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life,

my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

As I've aged,

I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself.

I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie,

or for not making my bed,

or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need,

but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to overeat,

to be messy,

to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon;

before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s,

and if I,

at the same time,

wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,

despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.

But there again,

some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.

How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one,

or when a child suffers,

or when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.

A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. 

So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

I can say "no" and mean it.

I can say "yes" and mean it.

As you get older,

it is easier to be positive.

You care less about what other people think.

I don't question myself anymore.

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question,

I like being old.

It has set me free.

I like the person I have become.

I am not going to live forever,

but while I am still here,

I will not waste time lamenting what could have been,

or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day,

if I want to.

-  Margaret Berry

https://alcalde.texasexes.org/2015/07/old-age-is-a-gift/

May 11, 1986

 May 11, 1986

Donald and I stood together in a small chapel in Atlanta in front of friends and family to be joined in matrimony and promised to try our best.  

It was a promise that we believed in the future.

In a future together.

We promised to be kind to one another.

To respect one another.

To stick together through thick and thin.

And privately, we promised to have adventures and laugh a lot.

Along with our vows we shared these words; 
"Grow old along with me.  
The best is yet to be - the last of life for which the first was made." 


Promises are sometimes hard to keep.  

It hasn't all been sunshine and roses, but because we believe in promises, and because we never stopped believing in one another, we have triumphed over some rough spots. 

   So - all in all, we've done pretty good and have grown stronger together.

Since that day we've celebrated our anniversary in many ways, in many places.

Quiet dinners at home while playing Scrabble.

Dinners out.

Pizzas delivered.

Or, sometimes, just ice cream.

On the beach.

At home in the mountains.

Paris.

A concert or two.

And sometimes we forget just exactly how many years we've been married.

But we both agree, we'd do it again.

This year we'll be celebrating at home in Meat Camp, NC.

Just me, Donald, and Annabelle.

And we'll take a few minutes to count our blessings.

While we don't agree on every single thing, we do agree that on this day, right now, we are happy to be alive, to be together and happy that we are healthy.

Who knows what the days ahead might bring?

Silly to try to guess.   We have, after all, watched the world change in surprising ways during our years together.

"Union gives strength." 

         ~ Aesop

Poem In Praise of the Exuberant by Samantha Bennett

 

And as you stand there
Sunshining all over our Rain Parade
Voice cheering
Toes tapping
Eyes dancing

Let us now praise you.
You, the mango-coconut in our vanilla world.
You, the red balloon in our blue sky.

You, the hooray-for-your-new-job (or hooray-for-your-engagement or hooray-for-your-wedding or hooray-for-your-new-baby or hooray-for-your-divorce) party-throwing friend.

Your door is always open

And don't think we don't take advantage of it.

Your heart is always open
And don't think we don't take advantage of it.

You have a particular kind of bravery:
The not-being-afraid-of-feelings kind of brave
The stand-up-and-be-counted kind of brave
The jump-off-the-high-dive (again) (naked) kind of brave.

We always know when you're in the audience, because

We recognize your laugh.

And as you sit us down and give us your full-beam attention and as you ask us for every detail of our latest adventure (how do you always lead us to the conclusion that our life is an adventure?) and as we, flattered by your unwavering, bright-eyed gaze, end up going on and on and on and on, we have to mentally waft away the annoying, fluttering thought,

"Yes, but: Who takes care of you?"

Because we know that underneath the nonstop carnival there is a lot of

Damn hard work and that some of

Your sparkle
Is the glitter from the parts that got
Broken.

We've seen you fall and get right back up and assumed that it must not have been that much of a
Tumble but the truth is that

You alone have the
Strength to Rise.

And so it is from you we learn that while we may not always
Feel happy

We can always feel

Joy.

And as you Gush and Exclaim and Twist and Shout and Wiggle with pleasure and Yelp and Hoot and Swear out loud and Burst into tears and Rush in and Hug and Holler across the room in a way that some might think of as

Embarrassing, we

Bask in your fearless conviction that
No human experience is unlovable.

Thank you for that.

So let's break out the
Sequins and the feather boas and
Have dessert first and
Grin at strangers and
Let's do the Hokey-Pokey and really
Put our Whole Self in
And order one more bottle because it's so nice to all be together

Under the Abundant Sun.

© 2009 Samantha Bennett, excerpted from "By The Way, You Look Really Great Today: Selected Poems by Samantha Bennett"

We're Going back - The Where (and The Wear), The When, The How, The Why and The Packing

This has been a fun piece to put together.


I've been working on it off and on for a few days in response to questions from friends who have big trips planned.  One girlfriend is going to Italy, one to a Ireland, and today I just chatted with a good friend who is planning a trip to Japan.

I've had questions like "When are you going back to Paris?"

Answer: This winter.


"Why are you going back to Paris?"

Answer:  This is a hard one to answer except for the simple fact that I love it.  I feel totally and completely at home in Paris.  I felt that way the very first day I stepped off the plane into CDG airport, which I think most people agree is not the greatest when it comes to easy maneuverability.  Aside from the airport, Paris just speaks to me in a way I can't explain.  And, I feel as though it still has much to say to me.  Add all that to the fact that Donald has grown to love it "almost" as much as me makes it nice.  He agrees that it's a beautiful city, and he has found the people to be patient, kind, and nice.  We have had some pretty wonderful experiences while there in the past.

"Why not some place different?"

Answer:  The some place(s) different are coming.  We have Italy, Spain, and Ireland on our list.  And we'll go back to Amsterdam, and maybe back to Greece even though it seems to have changed so, so much, which makes me sad.

"Are you really able to pack for a two-week trip without checking a bag??    HOW?"

Answer:  Yep.  I can.  We both can.  

Some people would just rather pack the way they're used to and check a large bag.  I would rather not, unless it's absolutely necessary.  

The following works for me and I'm happy with it.  But - you know - to each his own.  

So, here we go.  Some of you get answers to questions and I get to talk about Paris.  😊  You'll probably get way more than you asked for (I know, I know, sorry! consider the books mentioned, along with the poetry, as bonuses.  Or skip over them.). I had a whole bunch of fun writing this.


I hope you enjoy it.  And remember, not all this may work for you.  

Planning Our Next Trip

Planning is, to me, some of the best part of traveling.

I like to think about where we're going, read about where we're going, what I'm going to wear, where we might eat . . . ALL that stuff!  French rabbit holes are fun!  And the things and places we don't get to - oh, well.  We'll be back.  💗

(Poetry break #1)

Horizon (to Tristan Tzara) by Philippe Soupault

The whole town has come into my room
the trees have disappeared
and evening clings to my fingers
The houses are turning into ocean liners
the sound of the sea has just reached me up here
In two days we’ll arrive in the Congo
I’ve passed the Equator and the Tropic of Capricorn
I know there are innumerable hills
Notre-Dame hides the Gaurisankar and the northern lights
night falls drop by drop
I await the hours

Give me that lemonade and the last cigarette
I’m going back to Paris

(translated by Rosmarie Waldrop)

The When


This Winter

The Where

Back to Paris. But, not just Paris this time.

This trip is going to be a Viking cruise down the Seine from Paris to Les Andelys, Rouen, Caudebec-en-Caux, Honfleur, Vernon, and back to Paris for a few days.


A trip I've dreamed of for a long time.

Les Andelys

Honfleur

Rouen

Caudebec-en-Caux

Vernon

The Wear

1. On the plane.  Who wants to take a chance on being uncomfortable on a long flight?!  Ugh.

I don't want tight pants binding me in all the wrong places so I throw on a soft comfy lose dress.  I think of these dresses as respectable nightgowns.  I know the pandemic brought us this thing called "sleep dresses,"  these are not them.  I'm betting you could get away with wearing one of those "sleep dresses," but, please. just call it what it is.  A nightie.  😉 😈  Anyway, I love soft comfy lose dresses.  And pockets!  Bonus points for pockets.

And I now wear compression tights to fly in.  My feet and ankles are prone to swelling while flying and these help.  AND they do make my legs feel good.

I never go anywhere without this wrap.  It's warm, it's soft, it's perfect for everything, everywhere, especially flying.

If you don't already have one, buy yourself a wrap!

If it's reversible, bonus points.

If it's cashmere, you'll love it forever.  I promise.

I have had mine for more than 20 years.   Yep.   I have.   Admittedly, it's beginning to show some wear, but I love it as much today as I did the day I spent too much to buy it.

What to Wear

2. Everywhere


It's a lot easier to eliminate that large checked bag if you think about your wardrobe ahead of time and stick to a particular color palette.

That is easy for me to do since I love black.

And red.

Without even trying, I have accumulated a closet full of black clothes.  Little black dresses work for everything.  They can be just casual enough for the day, and nicely move into an evening out with the addition of a scarf, or your favorite piece of nice jewelry.  There are several particular brands who design dresses that are easily packable and fashionable.   The LBDs I travel with are often wrinkle-free when unpacked, or sort themselves out while hanging in the bathroom during hot shower time.  

About that jewelry - be careful.  A little is enough.  Do not call attention to yourself with your jewelry.  And even with a room safe, I'm still leery about leaving it in our room.

Easy ways to change the look of your little black dress include scarves (who doesn't love a scarf?) and/or kimonos.  Keeping this in mind helps you cut down on how many dresses you need to take.

Scarves and kimonos roll or fold up to hardly anything and take up minimal space in your bag.   More scarves/kimonos - Fewer dresses.

I keep saying dresses rather than outfits because I have pretty much started sticking to just dresses.  When I start thinking about pants and tops I end up packing too many.  Easier for me to stick with dresses, scarves and kimonos.

Kimonos are one of those fashion items that have come and gone in fashion status over the years.  I love 'em so have some from several years back that I still wear.  They're also popular again right now.  You can find them in all price ranges from a couple of thousand dollars for one-of-a-kind kimonos at Johnny Was to more (MUCH more) reasonable almost everywhere else.  Even including Amazon.

And if you're going to Paris?  You need a scarf.  You do.  And, truth be told, you'll probably buy one (or more) while you're there.  

There are surprisingly nice, inexpensive scarves available at the little souvenir shops.  And, of course, there's always Hermes if you want to bring home a really elegant Parisian remembrance.

You'll also see young people selling Hermes knock-offs.  Good looking knock-offs.  You'll probably see some of them take off running at times.  That's because selling those knock-offs is illegal.  Be careful - it's also illegal to purchase them.

A misconception regarding French women is concerning how they dress.  My observation has been that they do not over-dress like Emily in Paris would have us believe.

They're much more sedate and understated in their clothing, their jewelry, their make-up.  Clothing seems to be mostly neutral colors, with pops of color from a scarf.  It's a look, I think, that unless you're French, raised in France, you're not going to be able to duplicate.  

I don't fret about "looking like a tourist."  I AM a tourist!   My goal is simply to dress comfortably and nicely.  

Poetry Break! 

Paris is the swirling madness surrounding the calm of the Seine; it’s the je ne sais quoi that runs through city veins.

Paris is red lipstick with a spritz of French parfum; its a seductive ooh-la-la whose whisper echoes through a room.

Paris is arches and bridges and cobble-stoned streets; it’s Romanesque architecture boasting ornate feats.

Paris is the Notre-Dame, but it’s also don’t give a damn – unless you speak en Français; it’s a reserved politeness delivered in a distinctly Parisian way.

Paris is the Eiffel Tower, but it’s also ‘I fell for you‘; it’s whimsically romantic but it’s cliché, too.

Paris is the Arc de Triomphe, but it’s also triumphantly ironic; it pays tribute to the dead, yet Champs-Élysée‘s more iconic.

Paris is croissants, baguettes and boulangeries; it’s Croque Monsieur but also Crème Brülée.

Paris is bicycles, scooters and European trains; it’s an overcrowded subway, but no-one complains.

Paris is museums and galleries and fashionable boutiques; it’s aspiring artists, models and haute social cliques.

Paris is a city sealed with a passionate French kiss; it’s rose-tinted reminiscence and a dreamer’s ‘What if…?’

This is Paris – Paris to me.

         by SIOBHÁIN SPEAR 

     3. Shoes


I can already see many of you shaking your head as you read my thoughts on  shoes.


It's okay. We all have our "but I cannot travel without (fill in the blank)" items.  For many people, that means shoes.  I get it.  Not packing a lot of shoes is one of my ways of cutting down so as not to have to worry about checking a bag. It's an easy choice for me; not so much for others.

I love heels as much as anyone (maybe not as high as what I once wore . . . ), but when I'm traveling these days it is ALL about comfort.  Walking is the best way to enjoy Paris.  Wearing heels, to me, would just be dumb.

Not too long ago, in Paris, women wearing tennis shoes for anything other than a trip to the gym was a no-no.  That is no longer the case.  White tennis shoes are more than acceptable these days.  You're going to see them everywhere in France.  Not just being worn by tourists.  And you'll be right in style.  AND comfortable!

My point is, I've learned that I can get along just fine fine fine without several pairs of shoes.


These are my normal go-to flat, comfy shoes for traveling.


(Important words here   -     Comfy.    Flat.)



These shoes are soooo comfy!

Margaux ballet flats and Keen mary janes.  I would never lie to girlfriends about comfy shoes.

A confession. Our last trip to Paris, I forgot to pack any shoes. I had the shoes on my feet.  The red Keen Mary Janes. That was it. I wore them every day for 16 days. I may have been a little bored with them, but my feet felt great.


I know some of you would have found this to be an untenable situation, cause for a shopping emergency.  Admittedly, I considered doing some Paris shoe shopping, but my feet felt so damn good I just didn't bother. It's amazing how carefree a girl can be when her feet are happy.



4. Boots

I have some super comfy flat knee high black leather boots that I sometimes take with me. Sometimes. If we're there when it's warm, I leave them at home.



(I repeat. Important words here  -     Comfy.   Flat.)



No, not taking any of my cowboy boots. 😊  As much as I love 'em, they would take up too much packing space.


But because it's going to be winter time, I'm taking some warm water proof boots for walking tours.  These boots are Merrell.

This is probably a good spot to talk about additional winter gear for this particular trip.


It will include a long blue down-filled coat that Donald bought me when we first moved to the mountains and it snowed seven inches the first night we stayed in our new house. On October 7th. That coat quickly became my best friend/security blankie.


To perk up that tired old much loved coat on this trip, I bought a new scarf and mittens. I love them!  They are just too fun, I think.  


Donald is not as enthusiastic.  He hates the mittens.

Back to The Why

I recommend reading A Paris All Your Own - Bestselling Women Writers on the City of Light edited by Eleanor Brown.  

 - Contributing authors include Paula McLain, Therese Anne Fowler, Melissa Shapiro, Jennifer Coburn, Maggie Shipstead, Lauren Willig, Cathy Kelly, Rachel Hore, Meg Waite Clayton, Ellen Sussman, M. J. Rose, Susan Vreeland , Megan Crane, Michelle Gable, J. Courtney Sullivan, Julie Powell, Jennifer Scott, and Cara Black.  

Let them tell you what they love about Paris.  

Actually, I think there's one writer included who tells us why she doesn't care for Paris . . .  

It's a book I love about this city i love.

While we're talking about books, here are links to two lists of books about Paris.

Fiction

and

Non-Fiction

The lists have recently been updated.

The Packing


On a long flight, I want to sleep.  Unlike my husband, who can sleep anywhere, under any conditions, I cannot.

I need a blankie (and not one of those tiny tissue weight things airlines call blankets.  I mean a real blanket).  There are dozens of travel blanket options available.

I also need a pillow.  And while there are many options, most of which I've tried, I have yet to find one that is "just right."  I'm hoping maybe this new trtl will be the answer.  We'll see.  

Suitcases.  

If you're like us, you have a wealth of suitcases in your attic, under your bed, in your storage closets.

I still have the red Samsonite luggage my parents gave me, piece by piece, as birthday and Christmas gifts.  Including the round hat box, and the little train case.

Well, I don't have all the red Samsonite.

One piece is missing.

I let a good friend borrow the largest piece to run away from Georgia to Texas back in 1971.

She was running from an abusive ex-husband who tracked her down, followed her to Georgia from Alabama.

What she found in Texas while living with her brother and his wife was a nice man who ended up being the husband she deserved.  They went on to have two children and a good marriage.

That suitcase helped her start a new life.  I was happy to let it go.

Nowadays, flying is different.  Luggage is different.

A suitcase takes more abuse now than it did back then.

There are things you can pack,

and things you can't.

There are weight limits and charges for luggage.

Suffice to say  -  things have changed a lot since I worked for the airlines.  

No, I wasn't a flight attendant.  Almost.  

Well, for almost an hour.  

But no . . .  another story for another day.

Anyhoo . . . 

Luggage.

My preference for a carry-on is hard shell.  Lightweight.  360 spinner wheels.  

Here are the two carry-on pieces I'm going to try to pack for our winter trip.  I know it can be done because I've done it.

Both are Away pieces.

Away doesn't put their stuff on sale very often, but they do occassionally - it's worth checking their webpage from time to time if you're shopping for luggage.

I do have a "refer a friend" $20.00 coupon I can share with you.  It's for first time Away buyers.  

referrals.awaytravel.com/away288549

These are Donald's two carry-on pieces.

He has a new Solgaard carry-on closet.  We'll see how this goes.  It looks interesting, for sure.

But.

Because this is a winter trip with heavy coats and boots, we may have to pack a large bag to check.

I hope not.

I'm thinking wear the heavy coats and boots on the plane.

We'll see as time gets closer.

This is by Delsey.  Watch for sales!  We got ours through Macy's for 1/2 price.

Packing Cubes.

Oh how I love packing cubes.

For a person who loves things organized, here's your answer.

So.

There we have it.

If you're one of the folks asking one or more of these questions, I hope this helps.

If you just happened by, I hope you found this to be enjoyable.

And I hope, if you love to travel, that you have a fun trip in the fairly near future!

Happy Trails!

Life is good.

I almost forgot!

I always, ALWAYS, take a hat.   Oops, scuze me, a chapeau 😊

j'espère que vous reviendrez