No one told me

Painted by Artist Dame Laura Knight

 No one told me 

it would be like this— 

how growing older

is another passage

of discovery

and that aging is one

grand transformation,

and if some things become torn apart

lost along the way,

many other means show up 

to bring me closer 

to the center of my heart.

No one ever told me

if whatever wonder 

waits ahead

is in another realm

and outside of time.

But the amazement, I found,

is that the disconcerting things 

within the here and now 

that I stumble 

and trip my way 

through, also

lead me 

gracefully

home.

And no one told me 

that I would ever see

an earth so strong 

and fragile, or

a world so sad 

and beautiful.

And I surely

didn't know 

I'd have

all this life 

yet in me

or such fire

inside my 

bones.

            ~  Susan Frybort

As I've aged

 

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now,

probably for the first time in my life,

the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh, not my body!

I sometime despair over my body -

the wrinkles,

the baggy eyes and the sagging butt.

And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror,

but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life,

my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

As I've aged,

I've become more kind to myself and less critical of myself.

I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie,

or for not making my bed,

or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need,

but looks so avante garde on my patio.

I am entitled to overeat,

to be messy,

to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon;

before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s,

and if I,

at the same time,

wish to weep over a lost love, I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to,

despite the pitying glances from the bikini set.

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.

But there again,

some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.

How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one,

or when a child suffers,

or when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.

A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. 

So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

I can say "no" and mean it.

I can say "yes" and mean it.

As you get older,

it is easier to be positive.

You care less about what other people think.

I don't question myself anymore.

I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question,

I like being old.

It has set me free.

I like the person I have become.

I am not going to live forever,

but while I am still here,

I will not waste time lamenting what could have been,

or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day,

if I want to.

-  Margaret Berry

https://alcalde.texasexes.org/2015/07/old-age-is-a-gift/

Today I am 71

Happy Birthday to me!

I got some new rose-gold curls for my birthday, thanks to my favorite hair stylist/colorist ever - Ellie Miller of Shear Shakti in Boone, NC.  I love her to the moon and back!


AND - I love my new color. 



I was going to "touch up" my pic a little; you know, that thing people do to their photos so they look a little younger . . .


Smooth out a few wrinkles


Cover up a few freckles and age spots


Take away a pound or two


Life those eyes and that chin


Use that ol' airbrush tool!  


But decided that's just silly.


Because . . . 


I'm 71


And as soon as you see me in person the first thing you would think to yourself is "that's not what she looks like in her pictures!"


I know!  Because I've said it myself! 


But - aging isn't something our society accepts of us graciously, unfortunately.


Especially if you're a woman.


You might hear someone say, "oh, . . .  (whatever whatever add your own words) just some old woman."


And then when called on will respond with the declaration that "old" was just being used as a descriptor, not an insult.


Uh huh.


Then why not just leave it out? 


And say, "oh, . . .  (whatever whatever add your own words) just some woman."


Know what I mean?  See how different that sounds?


Or, "oh, . . .  (whatever whatever add your own words) just some  [nice/mean]  or  [funny/grumpy]  or [helpful/useless]  woman."


WHY "old" when there are other words easily used as "descriptors" that actually do say what you mean?


I'm sure people just don't think.  And so that makes it okay.


Right?


Whatever.


And here's the thing.  


Do I mind being 71? 

 No.


Do I mind getting older?  

 No.


What I DO mind is that "old" is tossed out as something really bad.  


Remember J.K. Rowling asking, " … is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'?"


So, here's me, K.W. Barley asking, "  ...is 'old' the worst thing we can be?   Is 'old' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'?""


No.


At least I don't think so.


But, in addition to all those words Ms. Rowling mentions, I add "rude."

Yeah - that's one of the worst things you can be.


Unthinkingly rude?  Well, that's forgivable . . .   unless you try to walk back the unthinkingly rude mistake by attempting to paint yourself as a victim and arguing the point like kicking some dead horse.  An argument you lost before it started.  Then?  Forgivable?  Nah.  Maybe.   . . . not so much.


And those of you who keep referring to yourself as "old?"  Honey, quit doing that.  It just sounds dumb. 

"Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me . . ."