Understanding your Teenager by Julia Buckley

Julia Buckley is a Chicago area writer.  Her first mystery, The Dark Backward, was released in June of 2006 and earned high praise from Crimespree and others; her next book, Madeline Mann, received glowing reviews from Kirkus and Library Journal.  (She sold two books in the Madeline series, which was never released by the publisher).  


 

Julia is a member of Sisters in Crime, MWA, and RWA.  She keeps a writer’s blog at www.juliabuckley.blogspot.com on which she interviews fellow mystery writers; her website is www.juliabuckley.com.  She is currently at work on a new mystery series featuring an amateur sleuth and English teacher. She also blogs at INKSPOT (www.midnightwriters.blogspot.com) and POE’S DEADLY DAUGHTERS (www.poesdeadlydaughters.blogspot.com).


 

Understanding your Teenager

by Julia Buckley

 
For two years now I’ve lived under the same roof as a teenaged boy.  Needless to say, this is both a joy and a constant challenge.  I’ve developed some minimal understanding of my teen as time has passed (this does not, however, make me a teen expert).  However, I am happy to

share what little I’ve learned so that parents on the verge of the teen years might have a sense of what they’re facing.

 

Here are some tips and truisms:

 

1.  Your teen will rarely agree with you; this is almost a requirement .  It is somehow related to his honor.  However, if you assert an opinion and your teen mocks it as ridiculous, do not be surprised if the next day he states that it is HIS opinion, and he has no memory of you ever sharing it.

 

2.  The teen needs to feel superior, both to you and to her siblings and to the world in general.  There are few sentences that being with “I like” or “I am impressed by” and a whole lot of sentences that start with “I hate” and “You know what’s stupid?”

 

3.  Your teen sees you as the following things: meal provider, car driver, person who is “lame,” chore doer, nagger (when you want HIM to do chores), money giver, and general person who makes the house run.   Your teen will not be grateful for any of these roles that you play, but he will recognize that you play them.

 

4. Your teen does not particularly want to be seen with you in public.  You are, to be honest, shameful.  Your teen may tell you (as mine does) to go the far-away movie theatre so that no one in the audience might potentially recognize you as a family.  Teens like to be seen as independent organisms.

 

5. Your teen wants your love but won’t admit it.

 

6.  Your teen needs you to keep her in line, but really hates any criticism.  She will continually accuse you of showing favoritism to other siblings rather than admit to any wrongdoing.  Teens are masters of obfuscation.

 

7.  The average teen, like the average cat, would sleep for much of the day if you let him.

 

8.  Teens like junk food; it’s your job to get vitamins and minerals into their bodies.

 

9.  Until you make him or her get a job, your teen really will believe that money grows on trees. :)

 

10.  Your teen will be off at college before you know it, and then you’ll miss all of the things that drive you absolutely crazy now.

 

I know the strange contradictions of my son at this particular age.  In many ways, he’s more fun and more hilarious than he’s ever been.  In many other ways, he drives me to the brink of crazy town.

 

I guess the ultimate litmus test is to ask if you think your child knows that you love him and if in fact he loves you back.  If the answer is yes, then it makes all of the above a lot easier to bear.  

Julia Buckley - Best Friends: The Comrade Conundrum

Julia Buckley is a mystery writer who lives in the Chicago area. Her first mystery, THE DARK BACKWARD, was released in June of 2006; her next book, MADELINE MANN, received glowing reviews from Kirkus and Library Journal. Julia is a member of Sisters in Crime, MWA, and RWA. She keeps a writer’s blog at www.juliabuckley.blogspot.com on which she interviews fellow mystery writers; her website is www.juliabuckley.com She is currently at work on a new mystery series featuring an amateur sleuth and English teacher.

Best Friends: The Comrade Conundrum
by Julia Buckley

My ten-year-old son is overly laden with best friends. The other day he was speaking of his friend J.T., whose name I hadn’t heard in a while. “Oh, you’re still friends with JT?” I asked (these things are subject to change rapidly in kid world).

“Oh, sure! He’s my best friend,” Graham said.

But a couple weeks later, Graham was speaking of his friend Christian, whom he also described as his “best friend.” In each case, he spoke with total earnestness, and I’m sure that in a way both boys fit the criteria.

I’m rather envious of the best friend concept–both of people who bestow the title with such ease and also of those who receive the honor. To be honest I don’t know if anyone refers to me that way, but I have never called someone the “best” of my friends. I don’t know whether it’s a natural reticence, or a desire to not offend other friends by singling out one as special.

The other problem, though, is that every friend is distinctive for a reason. Perhaps I’ve been deprived for a lifetime, but I never noticed the lack of a best friend. I only really think about it when other people introduce theirs. I think, “Huh–I wonder why I never had a best friend?”

As a kid I found plenty of friendships within my family, among my four siblings. My sister and I were two years apart and did most things together until we went to high school–at which point we developed our own circles. I had three friends named Kathy, ironically, who as a trio were my best pals, but I didn’t really call them that. Nor am I one of those wives who refers to my husband as my best friend, though by some people’s definitions I’m sure he is.

I guess “best friend” is just never a term I grew up with, so I never bothered to assign it to anyone.

I took a little poll of my family members.

My husband said that the last best friend he had was a childhood soulmate named Kevin whom he lost track of after high school and has never been able to find again. A long-lost friend . ..

My older son said that he has “lots of best friends,” but cannot really narrow it down–which means, to me, that he doesn’t have a best friend.

And of course my little son has a best friend, but the owner of that title is subject to change according to Graham’s largesse.

I’ve met people, though, who make best-friendhood sound so glamorous, so warm and wonderful, that I wonder at my own failure to pursue it. They’ll say, “Oh, this weekend I’m going to the movies with my best friend Jane,” or “I’m so excited about spring break–I’m going to Las Vegas with my best friend in all the world, Mary Kay.” They toss the title around with the casual ease of someone who is confident in the permanence of that friendship, the wondrous bond of it.

So I’m curious to know, those who read Kaye’s blog: are you best-frienders? Or are you not? And what distinguishes one group from another?