Sunday, July 16, 2023

What Your Lipstick Says About You By Audrey Burges and Talia Argondezzi via The New Yorker

Your lipstick says that you’re a woman of taste.

Your lipstick says that, as a woman of taste, you should know better than to wear that shade of eyeshadow.

Your lipstick says that you need to stop trying to emphasize both your eyes and your lips. Pick one.

Your lipstick says that you should choose to emphasize your lips, but recognizes that it’s biased.

Your lipstick says that the peach fuzz on your upper lip has gone full rambutan. Your lipstick hears that electrolysis doesn’t hurt too much.

Your lipstick says that you’ve been sneaking over to Dunkin’ after yoga. This wouldn’t be such a big deal, but your lipstick says it to the woman who frequently asks if you want to grab coffee after class, and you always tell her you’ve “gotta race back to the office.”

Your lipstick says that this look is too young for you. Remember how Coco Chanel said to remove one thing before leaving the house? Your lipstick says that the one thing should be your whole outfit.

Your lipstick says that you should stop asking about all the time it spends at that run-down pizza joint everyone says is a front for the Mob.

Your lipstick says that your inability to throw away baggies of extra buttons, already-deposited checks, and lipsticks whose shades you no longer enjoy says something about you. But your lipstick’s not sure what that something is.

Your lipstick says that it has doubts about your plan to pay down your credit-card debt by selling your old clothes on Poshmark.

Your lipstick says that you’d best keep it close—the statute of limitations on shoplifting it in the tenth grade to impress Mindy Phillips may have expired, but it has decades of dirt on you.

Wayne Thiebaud

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